Days of just doing bring thoughts of what I should be doing. You know, the why I was put here on this earth thought. The one that tells me that it was to do more than make lattés, serve hamburgers, pump gas, design and build the tallest building in the world…that kind of, what I should be doing, stuff.
Beginning with a botched tonsillectomy at eight, I have survived at least ten, I should have been dead, experiences in my life. The most recent one, emergency open heart surgery, has increased the need to know…and I am feeling that I should be considered in the “need to know” loop on this one.
So I have heard that if you pray hard enough you will get an answer…certainly in my case I understand that many times that answer is “No.” Now I am not praying for a new, “ticket me” red sports car, or a bigger house, a trip to Tuscany…although, for those of you who have more money that you know what to do with…All I am asking for is why have You saved me from certain death and the perception of certain death nearly ten times?
I was talking this over with a religious neighbor who is in her 80’s and dealing with some heart conditions of her own and she asked me if I had ever turner to the Bible. A great book, and sometimes a great read, but for some reason that is not where I have been directed to get my answers. No disrespect, but everything in there deals with things that have already happened, things and people that I have the utmost respect for, but I feel that I am not being directed there for…well…direction.
So, I have this way of talking to God like we are on a first name bases…which I guess you can say that we are since He only has that one name, unless you consider His last name to be Almighty and His middle name to be The. (If I need to explain that one…)
Any ways…once in Vietnam I received and answer to a prayer in a dream…that was pretty cool…being able to see the answer to your prayer and an answer that presented itself in reality later on in life…kinda solidifies my belief in the Power. The next time I needed and answer to a misdirected prayer, was when I was working for a construction company and was required to be on a metal roof driving sheet metal screws with an electric screwdriver in the rain. Yep, every time I pulled the trigger, ZAP! God I can’t do this! And the answer as sure as I can hear my wife’s voice letting me know when I’m having too much wine or telling too many stories at a party… “This too shall pass.” I was defiantly glad to have an answer, and so quickly, but the sound of His voice in my head almost knocked me off the roof. (Make that eleven near death experiences.)
So in need of an answer to the “Why am I still here, what do You want from me from me,” prayer…I have received the answer. In the middle of the day in a soft voice…thank God for that… He let me know that…well… He would let me know when He felt I was ready.
So I guess that at the rate I am taking to get ready…from 8 to 61 so far…I can expect to live a long and healthy life in pursuit of His plan.