It’s been hot here lately. I’m talking sweating, sitting in front of the fan, where’s the ice cream man, I’m melting and you could fry an egg on the sidewalk hot.
I personally, like the heat but I will admit it has been hot. Our dogs…both black…feel it’s too hot to play even early in the morning. Frisbee chase lasts maybe ten minutes and the little one, Pokey, is heading for the car with the Frisbee in his mouth with the “I’m done,” look on his face. The older dog, Zoey, (101/2) hasn’t broken a sweat…she only sniffs and marks her territory…is right on Pokey’s tail. When we get home the water dish had better full of fresh water or I am definitely in trouble. But if not they drop to the tile floor, giving me the “I’m dying” pant and the questioned look that only reads, “Why aren’t the bowls filled yet.”
When they are both bloated and resting in front of the oscillating fan, I need to head over to the garden…my wife’s garden…where grows more vegetables than we will ever be able to eat. My wife does her best to see that I have more roughage coming and going than any one human can expect to handle. “It’ll make you so healthy!”…or so gaseous I won’t need to purchase an airline ticket to get from the west coast to the mid west…I’ll just wait for a strong jet stream and I’ll be on my way.
Arriving at the garden I behold a glorious sight…the plants are wilted…with any luck beyond water redemption. The squash leaves are the worst and the beats are truly not far behind. Some kind of beans is parched beyond reorganization and the two dozen tomato plants are…thriving? Well I know we can make tomato sauce from them and I do love pasta. So I begin the watering in earnest and flood the entire garden with no thought of the gas producing vegetables ever making a miraculous recovery. And so the garden is flood to the resemblance of a rice paddy and I head to the bus stop to await my bride. I sit and read a book with deep satisfaction that I have done my part and watered the plants, giving them their last drink before they are unceremoniously ripped out and placed in the compose pile. There awaiting decomposition and becoming nourishing dirt for NEXT YEARS gas production.
My wife gets into the car with her daily questions that require no answers… “Dogs at home?”…Not really I am letting them play on the freeway. “Garden watered?”…Oh yes, I soaked the dirt.
“Let’s run by so I can see how all my plants are doing.”
“How ‘bout tomorrow…it’s still kind of hot.”
“Let’s do it now since we are so close.”
The moment of truth is coming…I killed the plants…and she is going to kill me…and not softly with her song either.
What’s this? The plants look as if they are fresh growing…they don’t even look affected by the heat…what did I do? I’ve read that cells can do amazing things with water. Even our brains dry up and begin to rattle around in our heads if we don’t drink enough water! I need a drink! I’ll start with a glass or two of water to rehydrate my brain and figure out how the unimaginable happened and then a couple more glasses to wash down the vegetables she is picking for our dinner of salad greens.
Maybe I can convince myself that a beer or two will help with the re-hydration of my brain…couldn’t hurt.


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