Last night I awoke to the sound of rain…a fairly heavy rain. Rain made of heavy drops and the happy sounds of the drops splashing on objects impeding their travels to the earth. Tucked in my bed under winter covers I was warm and happy…but I had no idea where I was.
Since my heart surgery 3 years ago this happens fairly often, but I have learned how not to panic. Seriously, not knowing where you are can be alarming to say the least but I have found that, with concentration and time, I can figure it out so no sweat. I have also found that just laying there not knowing where I am and sometimes not knowing who I am, I am able to create a scenario of being anywhere in the world…within limits of course.
Last night my inner self pushed to solve the mystery of my location, but my outer self rebelled…I just wanted to enjoy the moment of being able to be anywhere in the world I wanted to be.
I envisioned that the rain was a warm, heavy drop type of rain and it was falling on the giant leaves of a tropical forest. No need to cloak myself in any type of water proof fabric to remain dry or warm. The warmth of the tropic air kept me more than comfortable and the rain was warmed by the same warm air it fell through.
I was able to hold onto this trip to the warmth of the jungle for several minutes. I conjured the vision and a feeling of serenity; listening to the small rivers the rain created on its travels to where ever it was going. I caught the warm water as it dripped from large leaves that fanned over head protecting me from the heaviest of drops.The comfort I felt was unexplainable and I felt no desire to rush back to the reality of where I wasn’t.But my pleasant trip became much too short.
My inner self became the stronger and I was unable to hold back the flood of reality the rain brought with it. The realization that it was cold outside my man-made cocoon and the fact that I needed to make a nocturnal visit to nature told me I was still in Medford Oregon. Much needed rain was falling through the cold night sky and filling the reservoirs with much needed reserves for the dry summer ahead…and I was not in the tropics.
I begrudgingly took the chilly walk to the bathroom and the return walk to bed kept me lying awake for some time. I dwelt on the thought of how heart surgery has given me the gift of life, and the gift of an invented life, created out of the fear of the unknown. I found that both are equally as valuable and that both are equally as fleeting.
I slowly drifted off to sleep, once again in the warmth of my blanket cocoon, and the realization that I have the ability to turn fear into comfort and the unknown into an adventure…once again I traveled to the warmth of the tropics…Once again I found that concentration and time can take me away when necessary and when necessary, return me to her and now.